Andy Kaufman by Bob Zmuda

Author:Bob Zmuda [Zmuda, Bob and Margulies, Lynne]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781940363066
Publisher: BenBella Books, Inc.

* All quoted materials that follow were found in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition.

CHAPTER 5

Andy’s Secret

“Andy came into my office the day that John Belushi died and he was very upset. He said, ‘John Belushi is pulling my stunt, faking his death.’ He actually believed for a while that Belushi had done it. He spoke to me numerous times about faking his death. ‘Could you imagine how this is going to blow everyone’s mind?’ He cherished making headlines, the bigger the better. And nothing will be bigger than his return.”

– GEORGE SHAPIRO

Ring …

B: Andy, it’s Bob. So who else did you tell?

A: Tell about what?

B: You know what I’m talking about.

A: No one.

B: Are you sure?

A: Maybe Mimi Lambert.

B: Maybe?

A: OK, I did. I told Mimi.

B: Who’s Mimi Lambert?

A: You remember Mimi. She’s the girl I wrestled on SNL.

B: Oh, yeah. She was hot. What did you tell her? [Silence.] Andy?

A: I told her I was going to fake my death by making people believe I had terminal cancer.

B: Jesus!

A: I know. I shouldn’t have done it.

B: Damn right you shouldn’t have done it! If you keep telling people, you might as well call the whole thing off. It might even be too late already.

A: Don’t worry. It will all work out in the long run.

B: What did she say?

A: She thought it was disgusting and if I ever brought it up again, she’d never talk to me.

B: That’s why you can’t tell people about it. Some people really get wigged out when you start fucking with death. It’s so terrifying to them that they think it’s taboo to even joke about it.

A: I know. That’s why I like the Mexicans. They throw big parties for the dead the day after Halloween.

B: Yeah. Day of the Dead. November 1. They play music, dance on the graves, eat tamales, drink tequila, even fuck right on the graves!

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